Video game adaptations have always had a bad rap, but at least in recent memory, things feel like they’ve turned the corner. At the box office we have been decent, if not more wonderfulfamily films like Sonic series, Illumination’s Super Mario Bros. movie, too Detective Pikachuwhile streaming has given us a real boon for killer game adaptations, like Arcane, The Last of Usagain Castlevania. But perhaps like the comedy of its source material, i The Borderlands the movie is back to remind us with a plodding thunk of how bad things were.
Reviews for Eli Roth’s adaptation of the Gearbox sci-fi shooter series poured in today ahead of the film’s opening this week—once again. The Borderlands sitting at only 3% on Rotten Tomatoes as of this writing. So, how bad is the movie? The answer, it turns out, is “a lot.”
“The big problem is Eli Roth The Borderlands it’s not that it’s bad, it’s just that it’s not interesting enough to be bad. Mass-produced pabulum,” wrote William Bibbiani in The Wrap. “All the edges are sanded to be safe and normal, but it’s too extreme and there’s almost nothing left. Technically the movie it’s based on The Borderlands. There is not much else.”
“The hyper-stylized flair of the The Borderlands the games are only replicated on a superficial level, and with a PG-13 rating, all the mutilation, crude humor, and subversive themes are replaced by recycled blindness aimed at mass marketing,” added IGN’s Matt Donato. “It’s a very bad situation The Borderlands a movie that defies everything The Borderlands it represents a series—a tragic failure.”
“It’s possible that long-time fans of this video game can get a lot out of it The Borderlandsbut I wouldn’t count on it,” concluded David Rooney of the Hollywood Reporter. “At one point, Claptrap returns to active form after a heavy weapon attack and says, ‘I’ve disappeared.’ Has anything important happened?’ Not in this movie.”
Even between the stinging placement and the weird, albeit seemingly wasted, packaging—including the likes of Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, and Ariana Greenblatt—one thing reviewers can agree on is The Borderlands‘ The distinct lack of quality is that at least well-known chainsaw enthusiast Cate Blanchett has a good time as the film’s main character, the psionic bounty hunter Lilith. In fact, the theme of most reviews so far seems to be the irony that Blanchett even signed up for the film in the first place.
“Blanchett seems to enjoy walking around in shiny leather outfits and hats strapped to her hips ready for some lightning-quick shots,” Rooney’s review continued. “But the role is drawn a little, cut from the usual image of strong, critical, cool-headed women. Any hope of a campy executive that Blanchett brings Thor: Ragnarok there is no reward.”
The Daily Beast’s Nick Shager says: “Blanchett never tries to mold her character into a three-dimensional figure. “And while that’s wise (since the script makes such an attempt impossible), his cool-than-cool stance is painfully affecting and unsatisfying, as are his false wits and threats.”
“An opportunity [for Blanchett] moving his insides Clint Eastwood may have also participated. Maybe he just wanted to make a superhero full of VFX,” recalled David Fear for Rolling Stone. “What we want is a time machine, which will allow us to go back to the time Ms. Blanchett first picked up the “script” of this dirty tragedy and pleaded: Don’t do it.”
Perhaps, then, even Blanchett won’t save us from returning to the dark ages of sports adaptations. “Go and play i The Borderlands the shooters. Watch six hours of gameplay videos on YouTube. Go get a few chlamydia tests back. All of those options are very useful and far, far less painful than this,” Fear concluded. Wow.
The Borderlands starts playing tomorrow, August 9. If you dare, obviously.
Looking for more io9 news? Check out when you can expect the latest Marvel, Star Wars, and Star Trek releases, what’s next for the DC Universe in film and TV, and everything you need to know about the future of Doctor Who.
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