It is often said that “the answer is the gift.” While positive and constructive feedback is key to growing as a leader or employee, alternative feedback feels like a gift you want to shove in the back of the closet, never to be seen again. How can you give a better answer? For leaders who want to implement a more frequent or strict feedback system, what are the best practices?
When is a response more harmful than good?
“An answer can be dangerous if it is delivered by someone who has not established a foundation of mutual trust and respect,” said Madhu Maron, a workplace coach and colleague who works with managers in all industries. “And it’s ineffective if it’s given at the wrong time or without enough context or details.”
Product Leadership Coach and speaker Tami Reiss, who I’ve worked with, shared an example of a client who got feedback without specific examples or development tools. The result? They are left “feeling bad about their work, unsure of how to do better, and alone.” Reiss emphasizes that even in a culture of constant feedback, it can be dangerous if too many things are framed as opportunities for improvement or if feedback is “not practical, clear and kind.”
Reiss adds that while continuous improvement is important, employees may feel discouraged if they believe they will receive “feedback notes” no matter how well they perform. When people start feeling like they’re never good enough, it’s disappointing.
Some companies use 360-degree feedback, where feedback is gathered from the employee’s peers, managers, and direct reports—not just their supervisors. Others use 360 live feedback systems. Maron suggests, “If a company wants to encourage regular feedback beyond the annual review, I recommend creating a set of operating agreements that guide how feedback can be shared informally throughout the year.” He advises ensuring a consistent structure for inputting feedback and defining what constitutes “active feedback.”
Maron prefers structured interview-based 360s, where the coach interviews key stakeholders using questions created in collaboration with the leader. Maron says it provides a richer, more effective response by using greater flexibility and context and the interviewees feel more involved which builds trust in the leader.
Don’t let feedback become a weapon
The written response can become part of the employee’s “permanent record,” possibly affecting promotion or promotion.
Reiss warns that feedback can become a weapon if personal bias emerges (if an employee dislikes another person), leading employees to prioritize being liked over meaningful work. This can prevent healthy conflict and prevent necessary conversations.
Reiss recommends a strategy to prevent the misuse of feedback: Encourage your team to only write positive feedback if it has been shared twice before by someone and once by you (similar to the three-strikes rule). He also emphasizes the importance of fostering empathy among team members, as it makes them more thoughtful in their responses.
How to give useful feedback
Reiss recommends formulating a response using his “ASK” formula: Practical, Straightforward, and Kind. Using this method:
- Ask a person with their thoughts.
- Share it your opinion on what went wrong and offer suggestions for improvement.
- Know that you are there to support them as they make changes.
Maron emphasizes that context is important—the feedback provider must consider both the situation and the employee’s overall history. Effective feedback involves preparation, including knowledge of the work’s recent accomplishments, obstacles, and communication options. Maron adds, “Creating a response within context makes it easier for the recipient to engage with curiosity.”
Timing is also key. The response should be given close to the event, but consider the emotional state of the person. For example, if the presentation didn’t go well, ask when they’d like to chat instead of going inside. Additionally, giving feedback in the recipient’s preferred format—whether in person, or in writing—can make it more effective. may be well received.
By focusing on structure, kindness, and compassion, the answer can be the “gift” it’s meant to be—like that favorite sweater that always takes center stage in the closet—and can foster individual and group growth.
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