The views expressed by the business participants are their own.
Here’s something I’ve always believed: the better you know your team members, the easier it is to give them the support and freedom they need to succeed in their work.
At my last company, all of my direct reports were with me for at least eight years. We went through an important part of our lives together. Members of my group have lost family members, had legal and reproductive problems, got married, moved and divorced, and I saw it all. I also saw how all these things affected their performance in the office – some were temporary changes, while others were permanent.
That experience also shaped how I currently operate FutureFund, a free fundraising platform for K-12 school groups that I founded. Here’s my advice for building strong working relationships to structure your organization for better collaboration and more success.
You have to know where people come from
Some managers don’t want to know about their personal lives or their team’s information, but I think that’s a mistake. Asking the right questions and getting people to open up not only builds trust; it also helps you understand what they’re working on – and what they need to be more effective.
Here’s an example: I had a first-time manager who had just been promoted, but soon after, his performance began to decline.
There are two ways to deal with this kind of thing when it happens. The first is to give an ultimatum. He tells the person that his performance must be improved or he must leave.
The second is to ask them if everything is fine. That’s what I did, and he told me that his cancer had returned. He was a veteran and had been exposed to bad things in Iraq, which gave him health problems. In an instant, the issue of his performance slipping was no longer a problem. Our priority was to get him the support he needed – and by being able to help him, we were able to help the business.
After 10 years, this worker was still with us, and his work was great again. But I wouldn’t have been able to confirm that if I had taken another route.
Getting to know someone really means asking the right questions and listening carefully to the answers. And it’s never too early to start – in fact, you can (and should) start doing this from the moment you sit down to interview the candidate.
Related: I’ve Interviewed Over 2000 Candidates – Here Are 2 Questions I Asked Top Recruiters
It’s not about micromanaging
Knowing your people is not the same as keeping them informed. Breathe down someone’s neck and they will get angry. But show them that you care, and you will empower them. A simple but important distinction.
Mentorship plays an important role in this process. I’ve written extensively about the role of business advisors, but the key is to see yourself as a coach — someone who plays a key role in your team’s success.
Adopting this perspective keeps your feedback constructive rather than punitive and ensures your direct reports that you have their best interests at heart. However, it also requires some vulnerability on your part.
Related: Be a Coach, Not a Referee – How to Be a Good Mentor and Manager from a Coaching Perspective
Being vulnerable promotes trust and transparency
One part of effective counseling is establishing yourself as someone you trust. Not only do you need to be willing to learn about their lives, but you may also need to be comfortable opening up about yours as well.
One thing we do as a senior team when we get together is share a personal story. It’s usually something about family, and often involves a personal struggle. It can even result in tears.
They are not structured or enforced. We’re just walking around, and everyone has a chance to share as much or as little as they like. One of the best jobs I’ve ever done is to feel close to the people I work with.
Everyone shows a level of vulnerability by sharing something private, and it takes a lot of courage. It also created a level of understanding, respect, and friendship that I have not seen in any other work we have done.
Strong working relationships have immeasurable benefits
When you take the time to get to know your team – and let them get to know you – amazing things can happen. Much of this has a value that is easy to measure: a better understanding of each individual’s ability, opportunities for more focused training and coaching, and a sense of what risks people are comfortable taking.
Related: Why You Should Let People Fail Now To Succeed Later
But there are benefits that you cannot quantify, such as honesty and trust. People don’t just give you these things if you put enough boxes as an employer. They need to feel like you are saying something to them.
Ask the right questions, listen to the answers, and don’t be afraid to open up and share your life. It might put you out of your comfort zone at first – but as any successful leader will tell you, that’s where growth happens.
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